before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize