i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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