i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
