i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
