from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize