so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
