she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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