Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
