i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
