Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
