She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
