i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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