so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
