singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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