If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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