I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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