dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this just has baby written all over it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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