If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
