i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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