i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
