...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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