We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
