also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She told me I should be a condom model.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize