Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
so much tequila, so little girl.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
