The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
