she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
