He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
