Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
