I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
