So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
