Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
