i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
