Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
