god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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