AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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