stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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