so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
