I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
