i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
