woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
