grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
