Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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