i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
