Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
