Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
