please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
