i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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