I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
