My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
