Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
