I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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