Yo dont text me then not text me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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