omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
