Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
