just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
