Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize