dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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