Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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