Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
