I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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