I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize