it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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