if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
