Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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