i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
