I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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