you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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