Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
