The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We are all done wearing pants today
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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