its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Everyone says I win the strip club
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
