mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize