What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
