i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Randomize
