I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
