she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize