Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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