You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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