If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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