I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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