shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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