Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
