i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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