So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
