A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize