i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
