Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
