when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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