2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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