Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
