I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
