Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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