My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
