There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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