Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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