brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
