I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
